


smiles for a thousand wounds

by tendermoon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26135266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tendermoon/pseuds/tendermoon
Summary: Naruto saw a little more than he knew about Hinata when they got caught in the genjutsu. He never brought it up.But as they began dating, he could see more and more of her breaking. All her smiles were wounded.
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 3
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

He watched as she brushed her hair, and even that trivial action was so special, so magical to watch. She moved like she had no rush, like the world was adapting to her timing. The gentle way she handled things, even objects, had him wishing her hands were in him.

He was always starved for her in a way that was admittedly not healthy. He spent years and years having to look at scared and disgusted faces, having people afraid of touching him, thinking they would maybe burn. He had people giving him pats in the back and occasional hugs once he got older but...It wasn't enough.

It wasn't the same as Hinata. 

It wasn't the same as the way she played with his hair when he rested his head in her lap, it wasn't the same as when she put her hands under his shirt and caressed his back or when she would kiss his eyelids and tell him he did a good job even if he did nothing the whole day.

He felt so much love it was scary, it was consuming all of him and maybe draining to much of her. 

He started to feel egoistic, wanting to much of her attention and her smiles and her touch and her presence. He didn't know if he was just insecure or if he was actually burdening her.

So he pays more attention, tries to see through her like he has the byakugan. He starts to notice the bags under her eyes, the way she hugs her body when people talk too loud, the amount of hair she loses, the way she can't eat a full meal sometimes, how she hurts herself every time she tries even if she's alone, how she cries quietly at night when she thinks he's sleeping. 

And then he remembers her memories, something he had buried for her privacy. And it starts haunting him.

[...]

"You won't have dinner tonight, Hinata." Hiashi looked so tall next to little Hinata. She wasn't meeting his eyes, her head low in submission. She was trying hard not to tremble, he could tell. "You did horribly at your training. You had no focus. Maybe this will help you learn to prioritize your thoughts. When you fight, make sure you're focused on winning."

"Yes, Father." Her head went lower and she stayed that way until Hiashi closed the door of her bedroom and she was alone.

She climbed to the bed, hugging her knees and putting her cheeks against the glass of her window. She was tired, her whole body ached, but she was too ashamed of herself to even allow herself to rest. 

She stayed quiet, watching the sky.

[...]

"Why are your hands bleeding? Were you training?" These were the first words she heard from her father after entering the compound. Hinata hated lying, especially as a Hyuga. It was almost impossible to hide things between them and the truth eventually came out. But her mind wasn't functioning the correct way at the time. She was so shaken up. 

"Yes, I-I was training." She answered, avoiding his eyes.

"Very well." His tone was softer and she felt her cheeks getting hot, her heart beating a little faster. She was somewhat proud of her for training. Even though she wasn't, really. "Go wash them and rest."

He turned his back to her.

She went to her room, her excitement dying at each step she took. 

It was a lie. He was happy with a lie. Her real self would never satisfy him. He would probably die from disgust if he only knew.

As she washed her bloody knuckles, she thought of ways of avoiding those older bullies. 

[...]

"Don't you think...Don't you think it would be better if it was me?" She didn't care at that point. At how pathetic she looked. Drunk, crying, looking at her father in the eyes for the first time in years.

Looking for an answer that she probably knew already.

"Neji shouldn't have jumped in to protect me. If... _When_ the clan changes...He should've been the one here to see it." She kept babbling, crying her hurt in every word she let out. "I wish I could bring him b-back. I wish I could see my mom."

 _I wish I was dead._ That she doesn't say.

Shame would eat her up in the morning, she knew. 

Her father's eyes were dark when he got up from his chair. He had no expression on his face, but he looked at hers for a while before turning around and leaving.

She stopped crying.

[...]

Naruto was watching her sleep, watching how relaxed she looked. She slept all curled up as if she was cold, her dark locks behind her ears.

He gently caressed her cheeks, feeling how soft and cold her skin was. He got closer, his nose finding the top of her head, and he kissed her hair one, two, three times before closing his eyes.

He wished she could feel peace when she was awake. He wished she felt comfortable enough to share her pain with him like he felt comfortable to do with her. He wished she spoke her words out loud like he did, he wished she begged with her hands and lips like he did. He wished she was easier to read.

Only because he wanted to take that pain away. But she wasn't him, and he wasn't her, and he couldn't take anything away from her.

She had to do it. 

He hugged her tight enough for his heart to ache.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not satisfied with this so maybe I will write another chapter but since I'm not sure I'll be able to, I'm gonna post this anyway

When she thought about herself for too long, she wanted to laugh. Sometimes she wanted to cry, but feeling sorry for herself made her sick to her stomach, which was kind of hilarious, too.

She always had a complicated relationship with herself. It wasn't hatred, it wasn't disgust. It sure wasn't love or admiration.

When she thought about herself, she thought about disappointment.

When her father closed his eyes, sighing, his shoulders tense and his mouth shut, she felt like she was sinking in cold water. She felt frozen, unable to change, unable to become better. So maybe Neji was right, maybe you can't change destiny, and the idea was mortifying.

Before he died, Neji talked about his death as if it was a choice. As if it was his ultimate desire, to sacrifice himself, to give away all he had for a cause, for Naruto, for her. 

But it wasn't, really. If he had the choice, he would live. One does not simply choose death when they know and see how much they have ahead of them. Neji was alive, in a way that was beautiful, in a way that inspired her, ever since Naruto called him a genius and ever since Hiashi got on his knees and asked for forgiveness. 

One does not simply give up on something they love. Neji loved living. But he loved her more. 

Her uncle loved his family, loved her, so he died to.

She knew she wasn't cursed. She knew some things were out of her reach, out of her control. She had been a kid, even when she wasn't allowed to be one; she was _so_ young. 

She tried to remember that. She would've done something, if she could. She would've died, if there was a choice. 

And how she wishes...

Her heart was tearing her apart.

"There were a lot of hair on your pillow." He was caressing her cheek, his eyes traveling from her eyes to her nose to her mouth to her ears. Analyzing her with his eyes so dark, so intense, but so lovingly, with so much longing and hurt that it made her want to hide like she used to.

Naruto was so warm, so vibrant, so full of color and sound. And she made him blue, she made his eyes tearful and she made his heart ache.

_Would she make his heart stop? Would she take him away from herself?_

"Maybe you should see Sakura. That's happening a lot."

She hated his voice at that moment, hated how fragile he sounded and how it was for her. And how it was her fault. 

Was she ever stop disappointing herself?

"It's just hair, I don't need much." She tried joking, but it wasn't funny. He just frowned, looking even more worried. 

"Hinata, please." She hated how it sounded. Like he was begging. She hated that his eyes were shining. She hoped it was the light from outside the window. 

"Ok." She gave in, feeling a shiver down her spine. 

She didn't want people to see something was wrong. Something had always been wrong, but it wasn't something meant to be fixed. It was her essence, it was so deep to her core that it would probably kill her if someone tried to take away. 

She was never satisfied. 

And if she was, if she loved herself, would it kill her too?

"I will go with you." He hugged her midsection, blowing her hair out of hair face, his face hiding in her neck. "Whatever is wrong, it's okay. I'm here. It's going to be okay. We can fix it."

_Can I? Can we?_

She bit her lip. She was too empty to cry, but she felt like sobbing.

"I promise you, Hina." 

She would believe in Neji's words, about destiny never changing, but Naruto was there to prove it was wrong. He never followed the path he was destined too. 

So she chose to believe him instead. 

He never made a promise he couldn't keep.


End file.
